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Get the Orgasm You Both Deserve!

By on August 25, 2012
Couple lying in bed together

For many men, having an orgasm or ‘getting off’ is as simple as manipulating a remote control. But what if you or you and a partner wanted to intensify your orgasms? How would you “get there” when you are by yourself or with your “Boo”?  Too often, we become so fixated on having a mind-blowing, earth-shattering, toe-curling orgasm that we forget the pleasure of being teased, touched, enticed, and taken.  I’m sharing a few simple approaches you might consider the next time you are ready for takeoff.

  1. Be fully present.  Be “in the moment” and try not to think about work, kids, bills, or the challenges of life.  Focus on what feels pleasurable for you.
  2. Be patient. Don’t rush it.  If you try to rush your climax it may likely actually delay the experience from happening.  Give yourself as much time as you want to enjoy being sexy for yourself and/or for your partner.
  3. Be creative.  Explore other ways to stimulate you and/or your partner. If you have only one way to “get there” it may get old soon. Try new sexual positions, locations, sex toys, lubricants, or even role-play.
  4. Be yourself. You have got to ‘let loose’ and be free to be you. You should know what turns you on/off.  Do you like seductive talking? Sexy clothes? Do you prefer the lights on/off?  Do you enjoy a soft or firm touch? Figure out what it takes to get you “there”.
  5. Be willing and able.  Be willing to teach your partner what you like. Be able to consider the needs of your partner. Be willing and able to communicate your needs and make an effort to respond to your partner’s needs. Some people enjoy kissing passionately while others prefer to have their feet caressed. Tell your partner what you like and be willing to how him/her what turns you on.

The biggest challenge for my many of my clients is being comfortable with their own bodies.  Oftentimes, people feel shameful about their body size or shape, and this prevents them from surrendering themselves sexually to their partners.  Healthy relationships involve talking about how you feel about your body as well as how it impacts your sexual experience.

Finally, you and your partner should take time out to discuss sexual expectations (e.g. frequency, birth control, condoms, sex positions, etc.) for yourself and your relationship. Remember that your best sexual organ is your brain and the dirty four-letter word most couples fail to address with regards to sex is to…T-A-L-K.  


Dr. James Wadley is a licensed professional counselor and marriage, family, and sexuality therapist in the States of Pennsylvania and New Jersey. He’s also the author of “The Lost and Found Box.” You can learn more about him at drjameswadley.com or tweet him @phdjamesw.


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    January 21, 2015 at 2:55 pm

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  2. Steven

    November 27, 2012 at 3:05 pm

    Thank you thank you so much!!! Sometimes It gets so good that you get there and then you try but never get again in the same session. Thanks for the reminder to take my time and enjoy my partner! Refersher course is definitely needed every now and then.

  3. Staff Contributor

    August 25, 2012 at 2:07 pm

    Glad that you appreciate it.

  4. Will

    August 25, 2012 at 11:02 am

    What a great article, it is mature and insightful. Something to really work on with intelligence and care. Right on Doc

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