kamagra 100mg oral jelly sildenafil

So Many ‘Good Men’ Still Single

By on October 8, 2012

We live in a society that places a great deal of emphasis on outwardly appearances, titles, status, and ethnicity. As a single, Black man who has yet to find his soul mate, I am also guilty of this.  I interact with thousands of men and women with various life problems and have come to understand that behind every behavior there is an emotional or psychological issue associated with that behavior.

I’m often approached by women seeking my personal and professional advice on how to cope with single, “good” men who are perceived to be qualified (financially stable, focused, driven, spiritual, family values, etc.), but will not commit. So I’ve been working on a new film, to be released in Washington, D.C., Qualified, Yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single. The film highlights some of the personal, interpersonal and emotional challenges that influence why some good men decide to remain single. Through heartbreak trauma, peer pressure, and negative societal influences, a diverse group of fifteen men from Atlanta, D.C., Maryland and Saint Louis share heartfelt and thought-provoking stories about their decisions to remain single.

My hope is that single men will think deeply about their lifestyles just as single women should consider looking beyond a “good” man’s surface  to recognize that qualifications do not make a man qualified to be in a relationship. By focusing primarily on a man’s resume, physical appearance, and their perceived ability to provide and protect, women will never understand men or receive true love. While it is true that most men engage in similar behavior, I do not believe that behavior can be fully understood by placing labels on people—this includes women.

In my personal and professional assessment, I believe that Black men and women struggle with relationships because a large percentage of us either fight or flight when we perceive that we are being attacked. When we feel offended by our counterpart, our initial responses is to fight (inflict pain, judgment, etc.) or flight (leave). I am extremely bothered by the fact that these two responses are so embedded in our psyche and behavior. Unfortunately, many of us are quick to judge without taking the time to explore issues in detail.  Commonly, most conflict between the sexes occur when individuals react pre-maturely and emotions diminish the ability to think and respond, objectively.

Qualified, Yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single is for women and men who want to gain a better understanding of why some single good men express a desire to marry, my personal story included. Both the film and book are available at drbuckingham.com and Amazon.com.  

Dr. Dwayne L. Buckingham is a psychotherapist and author of  “Qualified, yet Single: Why Good Men Remain Single.” He’s also founder and Chief Executive Officer of R.E.A.L. Horizons Consulting Service, LLC in Maryland. Tweet Dr. Buckingham at @DrDBuckingham.

One Comment

  1. Malik

    November 19, 2012 at 4:19 am

    Who cares about colors, genders of a race gossip? It’s all academics without spirituality…if we focus on who we are as spiritual beings inside of these human bodies, then recognize we all have a greater job to fulfill as self, family, community, nation and world. Right now, we need to be buying these “fixer uppers” in the neighborhoods, pay the property taxes so we can fuel our K-12 schools. At the same time take positions within the local governments and become diplomats to foreign governments so academic services along with cultures can be exchanged. If property taxes are getting paid then neighborhood value goes up (imagine major equity in a home you may have paid 11K for? BANK) and of course morale goes up for all and crime decreases drastically. It’s all about turning nothing into something like the ancestors keep telling us daily with khemistry and geometry. In geometry, you make your points like axioms and graph them with degrees (multi-dimensional meanings with astronomical approach) then make a path from one to the other point. For example, certifications are for making way for your own business so why not get a degree then certify yourself instead of working for somebody else? Now it maybe people who will be working for others as statistics with accountancy shows it but think about the basics…you need real estate, medical and health, food and water..transpose those needs into jobs within the neighborhood and watch out 1900s Tulsa and Helena…along with Africa (and her islands). Welfare goes away quickly and bartering comes back into play as well as free enterprise. Take up positions in the State government and make moves to change human law to set precedence. Most local judges do not even acquire degrees but we are worrying about love in the wrong places…the last time I remember if a beautiful Queen moves then a King sees…I’m from the super country and military so trust me when Malcolm X said “media controls the minds of the masses” people was sleeping and still is. We have a suitable force of spiritual beings able to move tacticful with wise decisions about life and karma is it. All a Queen wants to do is relax on her land, walk onto her land anytime she feels and command with authority while being graceful and sexy. And crowns comes with a heavy price so be prepared for whatever cause we did not create “The Hate U Gave Little Infants Fuck Everybody” that grew up more stranded than ever…the Queens just need to start teaching the children our way but we need to find some culture values first and pointing out leaders (this is what the internet is really for but time is running out…) Kings need to stop the banging and really patrol the neighborhoods (via self through local communities) Our childbirth rate is going up and is the highest amongst all humans so loving must be still going on…other than that it would be a higher rape crime rate along with assault. Kings and Queens need to be teaching real knowledge from a corporate and spiritual dimension…you only get half-ass corporate and cult impregnanted religions so yes we are mixed up to the max mentally to some capacities. Now going back to the homes and all…each and every Queen and King can have a kingdom of their own or together by keeping focus on the tax auctions and how to DIY. When have been the greatest at architecture from the minds to the hands but our pages are fading…our Ancestors had less of what we got now and look what is going on? Now the reason why I am on this page is because I was typing up some poetry to my soulmate I have not seen but only in my dreams and wanted to know if some spiritual beings living in African male bodies had a blog on if they could live without the opposite gender. I was just interested in opinions cause I feel as if I have missed her or maybe I need to hold-on and just master my knowledge and wisdom to feed my neighborhood of which I was born to. I myself feel honored to help Queens make moves even if we split ways; still eye helped her along the way as she helped me…I helped her for me spiritually cause I do not want my heart to be heavy and I do fear coming back inside this human body or another. We all cross paths for a reason so if you can share love and not be selfish about it then do it…cause what goes around keeps coming around like a planet on it’s orbital path. I tell all my homeboys this…whenever I get into a relationship with a Queen and her children (if she has any) I try to love her with all eye got without breaking myself totally…cause one day you’re here and the next day you’re gone. It’s all chess, geometry, khemistry when we are crossing paths so art everyday like it’s your last. We’ve all said some hurtful things but beginning and the end is what really counts as the last memories stained on the brains and minds until the end of time. So I dream then envision when my eyes are open and so, everytime I see a Queen and King out here with these Princes and Princesses then I’m living life to the fullest. The Kings are here but many Queens cannot see us clearly until they have moved on and vice versa but we all help each other make moves so it’s all two the good. Sacrifices and patience is what I have learned over the years…so I love Ebony for the reasons that I get to wash, massage and kiss her feet for the love of it and hands too along the neck and shoulders and back and arms and ankles and big foreheads too! I just like to love her like that cause 9 times out of ten she has not been loved like that….Much love to my Soulmate out here cause I am aching at night and day these times of mine. Hit me up anyone if you want to just network or exchange ideas. Hotep.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *