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Better the Second Time?

By on April 28, 2013

Congratulations to NBA legend Michael Jordan, age 50 who recently said ‘I Do’ for the second time in his life. Yes, MJ married model Yvette Prieto, age 35 in a very private, very exclusive, and we hear very expensive wedding in Palm Beach. We wish them the best.

But the second union for the retired athlete had us thinking about second marriages in general and how they typical fair in the long run. Hint, not so well.

According to the Intelligent Divorce book series, past statistics have shown that in the U.S. 50% of first marriages, 67% of second, and 73% of third marriages end in divorce.

There is also something to be said for the age old tale that men don’t like to be alone. Consider the disparity more mature single women versus mature single men. Maybe men have an inherent need for a companion. But there are lots of other theories.

Another common theory is that some people get remarried out of a sense of desperation. Meaning, when the kids are grown and moved away, who will you spend time with, who will grow old with you, whether a millionaire or not, any person can experience loneliness in a crowded room. We all want someone ‘who gets us.’

Entering into a second marriage without clarifying what went wrong in the prior relationship can easily lead a person into their next marriage for the wrong reasons. To avoid that, here are 5 things to consider making a second go at marriage successful:

5 Steps to Successful 2nd Marriage

  1. Give yourself time. Make sure you are emotionally, financially, and spiritually in a place to engage in a new relationship fully.
  2. Avoid rebounding. It’s easy to subconsciously seek a substitute partner depending on the depth and longevity of a prior relationship. Make sure you are not on the rebound.
  3. Are you a couple or enablers? Sometimes people ‘find each other’ when they are most vulnerable. People in pain want to lessen the pain of loss, abandonment, etc. Don’t seek your better half! Bring your whole self to a whole partner for a whole relationship!
  4. Discuss roles. If you are a parent, co-parenting while transitioning into a new marriage can be stressful. Talk about it. Be honest, open, respectful, and seek solutions to small issues before they become big issues.
  5. Get advice. Whether it’s legal, spiritual, or even familial, talk about finances, pre-nups, merging households, step-parenting, and other issues up front.

So while there is no guarantee that a second marriage will work or fail. But the odds of a peaceful and successful second marriage increases as you are proactive about your intentions, needs, and concerns. Good luck to MJ and Yvette.


Photo Credit: New York Post

One Comment

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